so Su.Hai.Lah

Yes.

2009-12-25T07:18:00.000-08:00

So here I am.
I give up you know.
I really don't know what you are up to.
You tell me to move on.
OUHHHHKAYYYY.
I got your message.
And then I receive another one.
So wassup with that?
pfft.
So I told you to make up your mind.
I'm done waiting.
I'm tired.
Do whatever you want.
You know where you can find me.
For now, what I can say is that,
"You're a confused guy."

I'm just having fun as of now.
enjoying whenever I can before responsibilities take over me again.
I seriously dunno what to say.
But what I know is that,
I'm happy with what I am now.
No words can represent how I feel anymore.
Its just plain emotions(:

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

Justice League, the Ordinary One.

2009-12-05T07:02:00.000-08:00

So two days of attachment at J Division done-d(:
The experience is..urm...
interesting??
hahaksz...
It's an eye-opener cz you get to see a looooooot of things...
or rather different things, if you get what I mean.
But I'm not easily satisfied.
Let's just see how things go.
For now I'm sleepy..
Even after a cup of caffeine..
pfft
My body's not responding to caffeine anymore...
DANG!!!!
but at least I can enjoy it without guilt(:
hehe...

Im dying to buy the Twilight Saga,
so Payday, please come fast....
pretty pleaseeee *twinkle in the eyes like Puss in Boots*

An I need someone to accompany me.
Any volunteers?

Love,
Su.Hai.Lah

Just passing by...

2009-11-21T08:30:00.002-08:00

1. 32GB iTouch
2. Casio watch

So that's my shopping list for next month for now.
And it shall stick that way.
I hope.
omg.
I'm turning into such a shopping freak.
Bookout jer shopping, Bookout jer shopping.
How to save money for wedding, you tell me???
Not just wedding oni you noe.
I need to save up for studies la, car la, marriage la, house la........
and the list goes on and on and on and on......
Nevermind I guess...
It's not always I spend this way.
It better stays like this.
If not I cant get my degree on time and my dream wedding.
HAHA!
Dream on!!!!
Not about my degree but my wedding...
I dun even have a nominee for that 'Soulmate' category, how to get married????

So I've been rambling on and on about marriage..
pfft...
depressed!
Urm...not really la...
Weddings have always made me happy but I dunno why,
this particular wedding made me a wee bit sad.
Im happy for the bride and groom.
The bride is my second cousin so its great to see them start a new life with someone the love,
but I was kinda down, and cranky, when I saw them.
pfft!
selfish girl.
It's someone's happy day and you had to feel sad.
I'm crazy.
I guess I dun have to tell you for you to know right???
haha
Ouh wells...
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

I'm tired.
off to bed now.
Dun miss me people.
Goodnight(:

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

fuhhh

2009-11-11T08:34:00.000-08:00

So I haven't been in here for quite some time.
Template has gone crazy...
but the main thing is, I should start updating...
Haha.

okae2.
Last entry was the week after my burfday.
Sucky burfday.
But I hope to haf a gud year ahead.
It seems to be kicking off well.
Ouh well.
Im excited for I dunno what.
Just keeping myself positively recharged I guess.
Won't be such a hard task for me to do but sometimes, everyone needs a bit of a push.

A lot has happened since then.
I like to believe that I have grown both mentally and emotionally in these times.
Physically no la..
I'm still as short as ever.
haha.
But I think I've became more muscular..
wootwoot..

Aniways...
I've been slacking at hm since friday but not for long...
wootwoot...
working dis weekend...
Scared but can't wait...
hehe...
It'll be fun...I guess(:

I've got loads of things to say but I dunno wat to say...
ouh wells..i shall save it for later...
hmm....

Good night world...

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

No more a TEEN!

2009-10-04T02:27:00.000-07:00

Celebrating Burfday in camp was kinda sucky...
Okae2...
I didnt reli celebrate it...
I ran my way through it..
A great way to welcome my 2nd Decade on Earth..
heh..

Ran 2.4km early in the morning that day and was dead scared.
haha!
Penakot...2.4km jer da kecut..aper jer..
so in the end, I ran 2.8km...
was so blardy enthu...
padahal it was a calculation error...
Clocked 16:40mins for 7 rounds and was blardy hapie I tell u!
wat do u expect..
When I first came in, I clocked a pathetic 19:20 mins for 2.4 and now..!
I should have clocked 14:45mins if i ran 6 rounds...
Kool keperrrr!
hapie oi...

n OUH!
HTA oso gave me a Bdae pressie..
a new room in Bravo at level 4!!!!
haha..
Dorg pn nk join in the fun la kan...haha!
Its weird but ouh wells...gotta get used to it I guess....
FI also gave me a 'celebration'...haha!
stakat pegi Cafeteria jerrrr...
but at least better than nothing knnn?

This week have been tiring and we felt sooooo abandoned...
being thrown here and there but we're getting used to it...
heh...

Got a Sofa bed from parents, chocs and Pooh plush toy from bros this year...
wootwoot...
da 20 but I still look like a kid...
I wanna act like a kid..
can I?????

Let's enjoice while we can(:

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

so fasssstttt????

2009-09-19T08:59:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan is over...
Felt so wasted this year.
Only went for terawih once this year.
Jangan cakap yg sunat,
yang wajib pun terlepas most of the time.
So sad, or rather, devastated that the long awaited month is over so fast.
Felt so empty and isolated.
Didnt get to do my part this year.
I pray and I pray,
If God is willing to let me stay,
To let me witness the barakah of next year's Ramadhan and to compensate, InsyaAllah...

The joys of Aidilfitri still not felt.
Yes I'm excited to meet family and frens.
But remembering the things that should have happened,
tears flow...
Emptiness have been my companion so quite some time now and it doesn't feel weird anymore.

God,
please give me strenght to carry on.
to go thru the days with a strong heart and iman.
For I can only turn to you...

On a lighter note,
I, Suhailah Munajat wishes all the Muslims in the world,
a Happy Aidilfitri and hapiehapie joyjoy with ur loved ones(:

Sepuluh jari disusun rapi,
Jari kaki pn join sekali,
Su post message to say," I'm sorry,
to all my frens and family."

Safe Day Rayer sumer,
Berhati-hati di jalan rayer(:

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

Mars and Venus

2009-09-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

The past weekend was effin fun!~
Went to Geylang..TWICE!
ate at Popeyes for break fast...
and the most important thing is....
I AM NO LONGER BROKE!!!!!!!!!!
not for long i guess...
haha
with Hari Raya cuming up and all that,
money is running up fast tooooo
But it's okae..
it's only once a year...
and not often am I this rich so....
let me share the joy with the rest(:

Till next week.
hapiehapie joyjoy preparing for Raya :D

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

and ouh!
this week I cleared what I'm supposed to clear...
Happy oiiii!~
I am so blardy proud of myself~!
wootwoot!~

and ouh...
I made a discovery...
Women use their heart and men use their brains right???
It's because they use their strong point...
like, women are better at dealing with matters of the heart...
and men kinda suck at that, so that's why they use their brains(:

Joyride or what!
I had fun trying to supress my screams yesterday...
but ouh wellsss..
Thank guys(:

and so i rannnnn

2009-09-06T05:31:00.000-07:00

lets do a quickie here...
i ran and ran and ran...
but still it wasnt enough....
pfft!~

okaeokae....
so i failed my first ippt...
but a mere 16 seconds jer..
wasted..
but im proud...
haha
proud ker haper kn.da fail!~
no la..
at least my timing got better..
2 mins less than the 1st one u noeeee!~

so lets see if this time i cry
while going thru PSOC...
mari kita tgk saper yg kenaaaaa~

i remember the first time i blush..
it was all because of you...

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

ignorance is bliss

2009-08-29T22:16:00.000-07:00

"This time was different,
felt like I was just a victim.
And it cut me like a knife,
when you walked out of my life.
Now I'm in this condition
and I got all the symptoms,
of a girl with a broken heart.
But no matter what,
you'll never see me cry."

- Rihanna

When it felt like I had everything in this world to help me succeed,
everything crumbled in a blink.
I was proud to have you by my side at the start of a new phase in life.
But I didn't know it wouldn't last that long.
Yes I gave you a choice
and when you made that decision,
my heart broke into pieces.
I didn't expect it to come so quick.
Especially when I needed you the most.

Now I still feel the same way.
Even worse I think.
Never have I felt this lost.
To be left in a new environment,
and yet your rope have been cut loose.
I didn't know who to turn to,
who to depend on.

Forgiving comes naturally for me.
But not forgetting.
To forget is not the same as letting go of your past.
To forget means you have not learnt from your mistakes.
It isn't easy to just forget.
What more something that is such a big thing.
I need time.
And apparently, you don't want to wait.

Hopes of us getting back together is everything I can pray for.
To live our dreams together.
To go through the highs and lows of life together.
To know I've got someone by my side.
Someone who will remind me that there's more to life when I'm down.
But it's all just a dream now.

I know I should just move on and let it all go.
But how do you do that when your heart is still with him?
How do you ask for your heart when you want him to hold on to it?

I don't know if I can live through all those nights.
Lonely.
Hoping and waiting for his name to appear on the screen.
But it won't happen again I guess.

Strong...
I don't know if that word can be used to describe me anymore.
Cause I'm not me when you left and took my heart along.

Most of the time I'm angry with myself,
with how we handle this.
But I guess, there isn't any point in being angry.
It's not gonna change anyting.
Not gonna get you back.

Thank you for everything.
For all the things you've taught me.
For all the times we spent together.
For all the tears and joy we shared.
I miss you Fahmi.

Sorry for the emo post.
Have been holding in for way too long.

IPPT is tmr.
I'm scared.
But OUH WELLS!~
larilarilariiiiii!

and really..
Ignorance is bliss!
Studying Media and Law makes me feel clever.
BUT!
it also makes me feel like a know-it-all...
ni tk leh..tu tk leh...
nk buat mcm nerrrr!~
pfft!~

n GOSH!
skrg da 9 days puase...
cepatnyer...
I've got no chance to iftar with anyone this year.
Thanks to my schedule..
but then,
at HTA pn hari2 iftar together2...
seated by 1840...so by that time everyone is high with exhaustion...
talking nonsense and staring at the clock..
bt woohoo..
we're having fun aren't we???

so I'll be back next wk...
RunRunRun for IPPT(:

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

are we ready?

2009-08-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan is here(:
wootwoot!
I'm excited that it has finally arrived.
But...
I'm kinda sad too coz I'll be in camp most of the time and I can't join this yr's
Ramadhan Youth Challenge activities.
Most of my weekends will be spent at home with family...
Nk iftar dgn members pn will be kinda hard.
But it should be okae la kn...
Doing good deeds shall not be confined to the Holy month of Ramadhan
but throught the year...
mebbe more good deeds will and shall be done now.
Actually,
I'm not that prepared for Ramadhan this year.
I don't noe why.
Mebbe coz I've been preoccupied the month before..
haiyo SU...
wat tlah happen???

Let's see...
What happened this week?
I ran, I swam, I marched, I sweat like hell.
And then I ran again.
So blardy hapie I ran non-stop.
Achievement okae(:
Still at a very slow pace but at least I ran okae!!!
haha!
Hapie sak Su!
padahal padahal

it's really hurting me.
it hurts like hell.
to be caught in a limbo.
lost and confused.
i dun even noe what i want.
what more what im feeling.
guidance.
mebbe that's what i need.
and strenght too.
this sucks hardcore.

im still caught in a fcuking limbo.
im still lost.
my heart's not beating.
my mind's not thinking.
my limbs are not moving.
my mouth not speaking.
and neither are my ears listening.

what i am?
miserable.
confused.
what i nid?
distractions.
you.

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

Distraction

2009-08-16T02:37:00.000-07:00

Maybe that's what I need.
But I can't find anything for now.

Officially,
I need help.

Woke up today crying.
Broke my own blardy promise.
How am I supposed to trust myself?

Buck up Su.

i need u more than u cn ever imagine.
u taught me to be dependent on u.
and wen i learnt,
u left me.
where's the justice in that?

Hopeless and Helpless.

But I shall have fun.
Or at least try to.

Denials

2009-08-15T06:17:00.000-07:00

Up till now,
I still can't believe it.
Can't believe that it's over.
After all this while.
After trying soooo hard to keep it together.
I lost it.
Let it slip past me.
Noone else to blame except myself.

I know I gave you a choice.
But you made the decision.
Maybe we're not meant to be.

empty head

2009-08-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

My head is buzzing.
Or is it vacumn?

That's it!
I can't stand it anymore.
I'm sorry in advance.
I've got no intention to hurt.
But...

FUCK IT LA SIA!

okae...
air cleared.

Anyways...
Epmtiness filling up.
Ironic?
I know.
Damn it.
I wanna cry.
I don't know what else to do.
I'm lost.

I'm too tired.
I give up.

no more us.

looooooong weekennddddd!

2009-08-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

The loooong awaited looooooong weekend is finally here!~
wootwoot!
shall enjoice(:

Training mautsssss!
Left Right Left Right Left Right Left
And I still look like a sec 3 kid in NPCC uniform...
Su,Su
*shakes head shakes head*

Please ehk.
Perangai jgn perangai gedik kaeeee
MAKANN JER TAUUU!
heh

Lari Su!LARIIIII!!!
let's 'self-motivate'!
'study' kae(:
And I shall run FASTERRRR!~
!wootwoot!

How can u say that when u jolly well know its the total opposite.?
makes me feel really sad
it wud never be true.
u noe it wun.
too many things on my mind.
too many worrying things...
or is it just me?

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

BasketCase

2009-08-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

!wootwoot!
Im back again!
Just for a while ajer...
I'll be on hiatus from tmr so let me enjoice this precious moment(:

So how has life been for u guys???
I miss being out there with u people...
I miss popping by MLS to see all those peeps I've laughed,cried,gossiped and smiled with.
I miss hanging out randomly with friends.
I miss having impromptu meet-ups with dearest<3
I miss messaging my friends whenever I want to.
So for those I haven't met in a looooong time, I miss u all...
No matter how I know you or which group of friends u belong to,
I still miss u guys.

Honestly,
I've been seriously homesick.
Maybe because I'm not with Lin.
Mostly all my camps or overnight stays have been with Lin.
Surely at one point of the event, she will be there to accompany me.
And damn it sey.
Adapting to a new environment is something I can do easily
but I don't know why it's harder this time.
Maybe because it is with a whole group of new friends.
I mean Kem Evo was the same cz its an Orientation Camp
but NOOOO!!!
This is work and not leisure da deyyyy.
And Kem Evo was only 4 days.
But this will last for 6-7 mths and hopefully, a thruout my career.
I mean impression, hardwork and effort matters in this seyyy!
I'm scared.
I miss my family, dearest<3,>
When will I get over this?
This isn't me.
I'm not the type to be feeling this way.
COME ON SU!!!!
wootwoot

I need motivation!!!!
and STAMINA seyyyyyyyy!!

And please people,
STOP STARING!!!
I know there aren't many girls out there but please.!
YOU MAKE US NERVOUS!
basketcase!

i dunno why i miss u loads

this time it's different
i admit i cried once bcz i miss everybody
including and especially you
i hope you're doing well
please please please
take care of yourself
and please please please
don't stress yourself out
im already feeling so bad
i cant be there for u as much now
i don't want to see us drifting further and futher apart
realising the dreams we have
that's all im asking for
i love you syg

p.s. though i stare at other people,
im still stuck on you
cause u already have my heart

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

Turn 2,3,4

2009-07-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

So I'm back for a short while(:
wootwoots.
The past few days have been eye-opening.
I won't deny that I was homesick though.
I wanted to cry and run home.
Because I didn't have my normal camp mates (a.k.a Lin and the rest) with me.
And also because there was a bed.
I miss Krokodil.
I miss my family.
And I was, and still am, scared.
Would I be able to take it?
Boy,
I hope I can(:

For now,
just a self reminder,
"Su, you are just going to OBS every week with PE everyday(:"
So in case I forget that reminder,
please remind me kae friends(:
And guys, please stop staring at us.
We are normal people too.
You are making me nervous.

And it doesn't hurt to be a LIL bit more respectful to others(:

P.S. I look like a boy!

dear...
pls take care of urself.
i'll always be here for u no matter what.
and i want a 3-room flat in the North pls(:

Love,
Su.Hai.Lah

not the way to do it.

2009-07-19T08:13:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been sucky.
Definitely not the way to spend my last 'unemployed' weekend.
My heart aches just thinking about it.

Things just didn't go the way I planned it to be.
Yar...
We can only plan but eventually He will decide what happens.
*direct translation of: "Kita hanya merancang, Tuhan yang menentukan."*
But you can't help but think that certain things can turn out differently.

It wasn't all that bad la...
Saturday was spent with my family.
My aunts and uncles, along with their kids, aka my cousins,
came over my place.
Was sort of my sending off party la....
Siap dengan pulut kuning, kari daging, roti kirai, ice cream and cake!!!
Well, actually cake is for my grandmum but ouh wells...
tumpang glamour la..!haha
It was like a birthday party(:
but I haven't had this kind of gathering for soooooo long,
so yesterday was a happy occasion.

but still kinda sad for me...
I wanted to cry most of the time.
I held on.
Because I know I'm strong.
I think.

i can't blame u.
but let me tell u this.
no matter how far i will be,
im still here.
stuck on u.

From next week onwards, I will be 'BOTAKKKK'!!!!!

2009-07-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

So I hereby declare that from 22 July 2009 onwards,
I will be....

BOTAKKKK!!!!

Not literally though...
HAHA!!!
I'm not mad to shave all my hair off!!!
I don't even like guys with a look that is gonna speed them to their mid-life crisis!
Though I have a love-hate relationship with my 'crown',
I adore it, you know...

And back to the actual updates,
I finally got the confirmation that I've been waiting for...
I'll be starting my 6 months in-camp training at Home Team Academy next week.
Yesyes...

22 July 2009, Wednesday, 10am

Start of new life.
Start of a new discovery.
And hell yeah I'm scared.
It's not that simple, the life you've got to sacrifice, the freedom that you've got to let go.
And of course the comfy bed which will only be mine for 2 nights a week.
Come to think of it again,
it's something I've always looked forward to.
I've always liked camps, running around, getting drilled and pressured.
I'm somehow satisfied by it.
Weird girl.haha!

Meanwhile,
I've got a lot of catching up to do.
Let's see...

Thursday: Date with love<3

Friday: Family time
Saturday: Family time
Sunday: GFs
Monday: Elims Corp(:
Tuesday: GFs

Then Wednesday is D DAYYYYY!!!
woots!
I can't believe I'm doing this.
But woohoo!I'm serving the country seyyy!

and guys, please don't bully me...
yes I might be strong but I'll ROAR!!!!!

i promise you i won't be naughty.
but i can't promise you if the rest won't be naughty.
hehe(:
happy 21st month dear<3

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

Elongated TOYOLS.

2009-07-13T10:21:00.000-07:00

That is what I call most of my friends who went in to their National Service.
It's actually true right?
They're bald and most of them wear green so it kinda fits..
haha!

Seriously, I've got nothing to blog about,
but all I can say is that,
I'm feeling quite hopeful right now(:

Dreams and aspirations don't happen overnight,
but they do flourish under the constant supervision of ambition and determination.

That shall keep me going.
For now...

i'm yours.
all yours.
and it's because i feel at home
when i'm with you.

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

I have seen the light. Have you?

2009-07-12T09:57:00.001-07:00

So I have been enlightened.

And before I start anything,

let me begin with a phrase I heard in the movie P.S. I Love You.

"If you are all alone, remember, we're in it together."

So back to the enlightenment that I had.
haha.
Went to Mendaki Club's Graduates' Tea at Furama Riverfront Hotel with Lin on Saturday
and boy was I happy!
Not because I got to eat the free yumyum food,
but because it made me feel hopeful(:
Yeahhhh..I've been feeling a wee bit hopeless this past few weeks waiting for confirmation and receiving cancellations,
but all in all, this past week had lifted my spirits higher up that usual(:
The Grads' Tea was sooooo nice.
As in the content is soooo relevant to what we are facing now.
Like seriously,
Most of my cohort are still jobless or just holding part-time jobs.

Yesyes, times are bad, but that's not an excuse right???
But tell me about it man.
It's kinda sucky in a good way.
We're all holding on to what we have.
And one tip to share from the Grads' Tea

Networking is essential.

As simple as that and I hope it all works out for you(:
Kudos to Mendaki Club for organising the great event that gave hope to people like me...
Haha!
But seriously, it was a great event that promotes optimism and determination that is beginning to run dry in this harsh reality.

Ouh wells...
All the bestest to everyone out there.
Woots!

So let's talk about less serious stuff.
woohoo!
Reached home at around 1230a.m. yesterday...
Was busy enjoying and nearly losing my voice shouting at Nabin.
Haha!
Ancients had a gathering yesterday to celebrate special occassions and gosh I feel old.
Ancient la katerkn.haha!
I had fun meeting up with those I haven't seen in a while and catching up...
So to round off the event, let's just say I'll be smiling about it while I sleep for quite sometime(:
You Know, I Know :D

was watching P.S. I Love You just now.
I can't imagining the same thing happening to me.
You're the only one
and I promise,
it won't happen again.

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

Roar-ing Good Times

2009-07-09T01:16:00.000-07:00

Good times come in different packages.
You can have it cheap,
free,
exquisite,
vintage,
or
priceless...

It's just how you look at it.
For me,
it's just spending time with loved ones.
That's all.
No matter where, no matter what.
Just that.

That was the random part of my post.

Word of the day (for yesterday):
'Technical'

I think I heard that word countless time at the
SPMLS Sub-comm AGM 2009.
Usage melampau oi.
haha!
But I had a great time seeing those faces again.
Though I didn't know the names of most of them,
it's always refreshing to see new faces.
And of course nice to see the old ones(:
Had fun laughing and dropping a whole lot of things yesterday.
But ouh wells...
I miss you guys.
Next up,
TGIF or...
Thank God it's ______(insert any other day)
with gurlfriends(:
WOOHOO!!!

it's all for you.
sometimes you're weird.
but that's why you're you.

Lions and Durians

2009-07-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

Today is sort of my ideal day(:
Woke up late,
bathed, ate and what nots,
finished my book,
watched TV,
laid around,
ate durians (yumyum),
hanged out with friends
and that's it.

a mix of everything I can do in one day,
without wearing ME out.
That's it.
Okae okae.
I want an adventure but so what?
All I want is SOMETHING TO DOOOOO!!!

I went on a job interview on Thursday.
It was kind of a 'happy' job.
You know, a smile-and-say-hi-have-a-nice-day kinda job,
but nah.
Didn't get the job.
Bukan rezeki la kater kn.
And challenges come in different forms.
I had mine.

But what made it hurt so much,
like rubbing salt to the wound,
was that,
I saw the lady, who was in the SAME interview as me, in the JOB!!!
GERAM oi!!!
Da tak dapat tu takper la...
Ni macam tunjuk depan muker,
right INTO YOUR face that,
"Nah, YOU didn't get the job."

Let's get this straight,
I'm not angry at her.
I'm happy she got the job.
I'm just angry at myself that I didn't get the job.
Maybe not angry la...
Just disappointed.
Cause, I was kinda confident.
But nah.
Bukan rezeki kau Su.

and OUH!
Perlumbaan Menakjubkan Sang Singa Purba was
AWESOME la seyyyy!
okae okae so I wasn't in much of the fun
but woohoo!
I had fun walking from Siloso to Tanjung Beach,
which is like FREAKING far.
Ida dgn Kecik ni pn melampau...
Dari hujung ker hujung sey.
naseb aku tk yah lari.
Pengsan oi, saper mau layannnn?!
haha!

Setelah sekian lama tidak berjumpa,
pertemuan sedemikian amat menghiburkan.
wawah.
Melayu la Su.
I'm so proud(:
haha

Really,
I had fun running2, waving2, ketawer2...
woohoo!
Biler lagi bleh buat keje macam tu ehk?

damnitlaaaaa
Suddenly mood gone.
Spoiler sey.
Mcm maen yoyo sey.
Sometimes things will be fine.
Sometimes not.
When you open the door, your guest doesn't want to come in.
But when it's closed shut, your guest keeps on peering into your house.
Tak geram ker tu?
I'm tired of opening the door and chasing the guest into the house.
I'm tired of just standing at the doorway as the guest disappears.
I'm tired of being ditched.
Fugg la.

and just for the record.
i don't like bandung.
makes my stomach whirl.

it doesnt make everything better.
just makes me feel worse.
tug of war.

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

swollen

2009-07-01T12:01:00.000-07:00

ouh gosh!
it's the 2nd of July already.
How time flies when you are...
urm...
when you are discovering new things?
hmm...

I thought we were still in the March-April kinda period you know.
The still getting used to the routine, schedule, year sorta thing.
I need to do something.

and I miss performing...
!!ROAR!!
I miss all of you guys too...
But ouh welllssss...

n Ouh!
We are so sorry we didn't come down to support the Singapore Team during their football match with Thailand that day.
It's not that we didn't want to support a losing team.
We just had too many excuses for that day.
We're sorry.
Win or lose,
you did us proud boys.
And the same goes to all the athletes.
WOOHOO!!!

random?
I know.
All the best to all of them.

and yar...
Have you ever wondered
why most people have even numbered closest friends?
Do I make sense?

It's 3am in the morning anyway.
so
I should go to sleep huh?
and I should stop pealing the skin off my lips.
It hurts and it's gonna be swollen if I don't stop.
Bad habit Su...

and ouh.
Wish me all the best tomorrow.
and all the best to you toooo(:

just getting used to things.

Thank You

2009-07-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

So the word of the day is:
THANK YOU.

Why Thank You?
I don't know.
Maybe it's because Fazli, Kelvin and me had a hard time replying to people who say 'thank you' to us.
All kinds of irrelevant words are said in return.
Like,
"It's okae."
"Mmm."
and last but not least,
"Thank You."
Yeahyeah. Who says 'thank you' when replying to someone else who said 'thank you' to you right?
Kelvin does.
Haha!
Had a great time laughing with you guys just now.
And if Kelvin and Faz were secretly born in Thailand,
what are you guys doing in Singapore ehh???

And OUH!
We didn't take a picture just nowwwww!
alahhhh
Nevermind.
Guys, maintain your elongated figures till we meet next time aite(:

Today,
I discovered new things.

1. There are 2 types of Salsa, Cuban Salsa and Los Angeles Salsa.
2. Azlin and I should have discovered the dance classes earlier, and not on the last day of our membership.
3. I seriously miss dancing and Aizat.
4. Shia LaBeouf screams like a girl.
5. Megan Fox is so darn hot. Too hot to be a transexual. Or maybe that is why I think she is HOTHOTHOT.
6. And that I think I talk too much in the movies.

So basically I had fun today with my friends(:
Salsa in the afternoon.
Korean lunch and a super cool movie later that same afternoon.
WOOHOO!
sugar rush.
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is so freaking awesome.
Though it was confusing as I'm not a fan,
the graphics' a killer man!!!
Bumblebee is soo effin kiut and so are the twins.
And the Decepticons remind me of Power Ranger's Megazord.
Megan tops the who's hot list.
Shia, Josh and Tyrese are hot too.
woohoo!
*who are they?your friends???*

and a secret confession.
"I'll turn lesbian for Megan Fox."
shh...
And if rumour of her being a transexual is actually true,
I'll stick to being straight.
heh(;

Speaking of Power Rangers,
I dreamt I was a Yellow Ranger a few days back.
But we, and I mean Wan(he's the Black Ranger) and me, had a problem.
We couldn't morph so we had to change into our ranger outfits.
As in changing clothes, you know,
take your shirt off, put your shirt on.
That kinda stuff.
But we had to do so without people knowing so changing in the toilets isn't our best option you know.
Cool dream I tell you.
I would love to be a Ranger(:
and don't ask me why Wan was the Black Ranger.
I didn't pick the Rangers.
Zordon did.

and lastly.
Tips for those in love with Libras.
Check it out.
It's ubberly true.
!ROAR!
http://www.wikihow.com/Love-a-Libra

and OUH!
I need to do a to-do list.
That's the first thing on my non-existent to-do list.

Can't wait for Harry Potter on the 16 July.
And I NEED a JOB!

the colouring book keeps on flipping away
when the crayons are not done colouring.
crayon kinda dull right now

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

Go Go Power Rangers!

2009-06-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

heyhey(:

I'm back from nowhere.
Been so busy slacking in the day and roaming aimlessly online at night.
So, recently a lot of people have been ringing bells in my head.
No. Not wedding bells.
That will have to ring later in life when I've got the money and the mental capacity of a wife okae.
heh
These bells are just random bells that have not rung for quite some time.

These are the chimes to those bells,
"Maybe later, 5 years maybe."
"Ouh, I just need to do something."
"It's just the right thing to do now."
"I really want it too, but it's not the right time."
"I don't want to make a decision now."
"YES I can do it."

Scared? Maybe.
Doubtful? Sort of.
Happy? Deep inside.
Angry? Surfacing.

It's weird.
All these feelings.
Jumbled up into one.
Like when you bake a cake,
here you are trying to mix all the ingredients together.
AND.
woohoo!
It's coming well together.
That's a scary thing actually.
All the individual feelings coming together to become one.
All the best.

And to remind myself.
If I don't get it this time, I'm so getting the other one the next time!

Not forgetting,
All the best to the athletes of Team Singapore that is participating in the
2009 Singapore Asian Youth Games.
and don't forget to have fun(:

you're still flipping too fast.
the crayons are still trying to colour you nicely

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

Don't stop till you get enough

2009-06-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

I've not been a huge fan of the late King of Pop
but I still feel something missing.
When my mom woke me up Friday morning with,
"Michael Jackson da mati.Michael Jackson da mati!"
I thought she was joking.
For one thing, who would wake people up by telling you someone died?
And the second thing, she sounded HAPPY!haha!
Someone died and she's happy?
pfft...
My mom's weird.
Okae so she isn't a huge MJ fan either but hello!
Someone just died here!
Moral of the story: My mom is weird.

And ouh.
It's just weird not to have MJ around anymore.
Okaeokae.
I don't know him personally, so why should i feel that way right?
I dunno...
I just feel that he is still somewhere around us lingering...
That's a bit scary.
It's like his soul is still hanging around us but really,
he will be missed.
Music never sounded so empty before.

Ouh!
Congrats to the first Malay General in SAF.
I forgot his name but I think its General Ishak or something.
I'm truly proud of you.
Go Go Go Sir!
May you have fun(:
*actually I just don't know what to say to him if I met him but oh wellsss...*

And this crayon loves her colouring book.
But how come the colouring book keeps flipping away?

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

Officially

2009-06-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

I typed a ferociously angry and emotional entry.
But i decided to delete it all away,
and start it all with...

My mom says,
"Men are STUPID!"

Okaeokae.
So that is damn feminist.
But I've got my reasons okae.
Was talking to my gurlfren, Lin, on the phone and my mom eavesdropped.
And we reached to this conclusion.
Ouh wells...
Not all men are stupid.
Just oblivious.
pfft
Think people.
We can't keep on telling you what we think.?!
Do the work YOURSELF!~

And ouh.!
TELL me okae.
I don't like it if I get to know about it from some other source.
PFFT!~
I don't feel I'm part of it anymore.

Officially I'm angry at YOU.
But I don't think you'll know about it.
Or rather, I don't think you'll get WHY I am pissed.
There's always a reason why I should be angry at you.
I try not to.
I try to put it aside.
But I simply can't.
Maybe I'm being petty.
pfft.
I'm just being a girl.
A TYPICAL GIRL.
go figure it out.

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

and you're always too busy

Can you just suck it in?

2009-06-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

I can't stand people who complain.
Okaeokae.
So it's a bit harsh, but really...
Some people just talk and talk and talk and talk
but they don't think!
Have people ever thought about the other side to the argument?
About why the holidays will not be extended?
Or why their code numbers are as such?
Or why there are only 2 queues at the fast food chain???
GOSH!
StopAndThink PEOPLE!
DON'T JUST YAKYAKYAK NONSTOP!
Please don't be typical.
You complain nonstop and blame others but you don't find the solutions to these problems.
I am sick and tired of hearing all these.
GOSH!!!
GET A LIFE PEOPLE!

okaeokae.
I'm angry.
Or rather, I was angry.
Now I'm not.
Now, I'm just finding peace.
LOL!
PEACE??
nah.

So finally, I think I miss school.
I miss studying because now, I'm bored to death.
My days are filled with nothing much except,
do the dishes,
vacumm the house,
read the papers,
watch cartoons,
nap,
eat.
FYI, I have already found a job. I think.
So that allows me to just rot at home and not do any job search.
Why am I not working you may ask?
I am not working YET cause my employers do not need me YET.
So I am just patiently waiting for them to need me.
Meanwhile, I shall just be a couch potato and spend time with beloved Krokodil while my mom complains that I am the 20 year-old who does not know how to cook but just rots and watch TV.
Well, I love being me(:

And officially,
I'm still sulking.
Go figure me out.
All the best.

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah.

i'm NOT finished YET!

2009-06-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

So.
As you can see from the title, I'm NOT finished typing my entry yet.
Aper punye malfunction.
Orang blom abes criter, dier suker2 post entry...
pfft!~

Basically,
I'm in need of some action.
I'm B.O.R.E.D.
Haven't started baking yet.
Will start soon.
I'm B.R.O.K.E.
But that's not new.

I'm becoming a bit more cranky that I should be.
Because of the all the stuffy air I guess.
And to tell you the truth,
I'm not expecting much from YOU.
I'll find my own entertainment.
You don't have to bother.
Officially, I'm ANGRY
Let's see what you can do to make it all better.

so effin sick!!

2009-06-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

39.1 degree Celcius.
That was my temperature on the 17th of June.

Yes yes.
I was sick the day after I went out.
I got home coughing and I thought it was just a normal cough.
But nonono...
Woke up the next morning sweltering hot!
Gosh!
I suffered the whole day!
Body aches, shivers, cough, flu.
What more could I ask for?
Went to the doctor's the next day and found out I've got a throat infection.
My mom nearly panicked I tell you.
Blasted me with a whole load of,
"Where did you go to the other day?"
Paranoid.H1N1 flu.
Nahhhh
Just caught some random bug and passed it to my brother.
One week later and I'm still coughing.
pfft!~
geroffme bug!
coughing sucks big time!

Stuck at home for one whole week!~
I need to get out.
LIN!!!
Let's do yogaaa!~

CICAK(man) unwanted

2009-06-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

okae okae,
i HATE cicaks a.k.a. lizards. FULL STOP!
so hate might be an exxageration but ouh gosh!
i would LOVE to AVOID cicaks!

I camped overnight at ECP on the weekend...
so i slept in a tent. Or rather, i napped in the tent.
Woke up every hour coz of mozzies and when i wake up, i will hear this...
"tsk tsk tsk tskkkkkk...", the lizards said.
so i ignored the irritating sounds and feeling that it will fall on my already mosquito-bitten face...
pfft...
so my day went normal until my mom said when i reached home,
"just now, while clearing out the tents, we saw a lizard in our tent.Luckily you weren't there."

MAMPOS!
naseb da jalan!

so that's the end of my cicak storyyyyy....

n sooooo....
let me officially begin with congratulating
SP Silat Club for their performance during the
NTU Tertiary Silat Competition 2009!~
yeay!
*claphandsclaphands*
and CONGRATULATIONS to the 3 SPSC medalists,
Uzair, Syafiqah and Iswandi
for their medals!
woohoo!!!
everyone made SP proud!
and i mean EVERYONE!!!!!
BAEK SP ATHLETES!
BAEK SP SUPPORTERS!
BAEK SUMEEEEEE!!!

and........
Happy 20th Month dear(:
or rather,
20 months 1 day...
hehe
Thanks for the lovely walkabout along Singapore River.
That was romantic and though it was a wee bit painful coz of the heels, I had fun with you(:
and that's the best thing i could ask for..
besides presents for my birthday. i don't care.
This year I nk present jgk!
hehe....

so here comes the emo part...
heh...
(bear with it. If not, just skip this part okae.)
Thank you for everything.
For holding on to everything even when things seem to be falling apart.
For wanting to always take the hardest way out so we both can hurt ourselves but learn from it.
For always being my light when its the darkest of all times.
For being someone whom I can depend to fight with.
For becoming someone whom I can depend on to pull me up.
For teaching me the meaning of patience, love, understanding and perseverance.
For becoming my pillar of strenght.
For tolerating ALL my nonsense.
For being you.
Thank you(:
Iloveyou.
There's so much more to be said but too little have been said.
Once again, thank you Sayang for always standing by me.
<3suhailahlovesmuhd.fahmihussaini<3

ps: This should have been my last night with Krokodil.
But fate had other plans tonight(:
n ouh!
i heard Laskar Pelangi and it made me remember how much i miss you guys in sch.
Esp Ahlina, Syak, Rohani coz i heard your song.
and i miss the rest too(:

stuck

2009-06-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

so I'm back after a short while.
I lost my enthusiasm back then and now it's back,
in a more...hrmm...depressing manner, I shall say.

Let's just say: "It's been delayed to another couple of weeks."

That's my official answer to the question of: "So Su, have you gotten your job yet?"
Yes yes.
Confirmation to my application have been delayed to another couple of weeks.
I'm getting more restless and less confident as the days go by.
Am-I-in-am-i-not question is still not answered, but postponed.

I'm scared.
I've been pinning my hopes on this particular job application.
I know it's gonna be tough but heyhey, what's life without it's obstacle right?
That job will just be a miniature life course to me,
so why not just go through it with much enthusiasm right?
Yeayness!

But it's been postponed so enthusiasm is channelled to restlessness and major boredom.
Shall just fill my time with baking i guess.
Happiness starting to fill me up(:

Like I said before, I don't adore changes nor do I embrace them.
But it IS a fact of life that I've got to live with.
Changes have always made me uncomfortable.
Changes should always be subtle, a factor that not many choose to make the transition easier for people around them.
Changes should always be for YOURSELF and NOT for OTHERS.
and you should NEVER force others to change when they are not ready to.

Trust me in this.
Though I'm no expert, I'm just someone who observes(:

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

I guess...

2009-06-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

okae okae.
I guess I haven't been a good person.
Mebbe to some, I am a good person but to others, who knows right?
Oh wells.
I'm just being myself and if you don't like it, too bad.
Cause I like me.

Change is one thing I don't like.
Yeahyeah.
Changing for the better is something everyone can live with,
but for me...
i guess it's all just too freaky for me.
Or rather too much to handle.
I've always seen myself as someone who can adapt easily to situations,
but if I can avoid something, changing would be it.

so what is the term for 'fear of change'?
anyoneee???

i guess that's it for now.
might be back later with the same topic.

Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah

so that's it for me...

2009-06-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

people have their own level of patience...
mebbe I've reached mine a long time ago...
but since I've kept silent all these while, it shows that I still have the patience in me...
hrmm...
I shall just smile while I can(:

Sometimes I just can't stand all the feeling I have sucked in me but I just got to keep going coz of the people around me...
Yar yar, it's my life and I can't just keep it in coz its gonna eat me alive...
but sucking it in makes people happy...
making people happy makes me happy...
i guess................

Hypocrisy is killing me...
but ouh wells...isn't it part of life?
gotta live with it but I'll just minus it out of my activities...

smile Su smile
(: (: (:

I've been bored these few days...

stuck at home watching recorded tapes of old P. Ramlee and Hindustan movies...
so you get the gist of my life....
its a capital BORING for me...

Ouh wells...
what to do...
I'm still waiting for the job offer to come my way and till then i shall continue rotting...
n ouh recuperate for next Sunday for TSC finals...
if our SPSC pesilat continues to the finals, InsyaAllah(:

so about TSC,
SPSC still has a couple of pesilats left...GOGOGO SP!
Though some lost their fights, they put up a great one...
one match that I can't forget will be Afiq n Zulhan's match...
Afiq, SPSC's beloved Matrep lost but GOSH!!!
I've never seen his face like that...
muker Matrep Fighter btol!
I LOIKEEEE!
n as for Zulhan's match,
he put up a great fight, never losing his temper with his opponent.

n Adilla dear,
if I were you,I'd act the same way as you...
heh...
I totally get what you feel babe..
mebbe I wud haf jumped into the gelanggang or walked away and beat myself up but we both noe its not necessary...
haha...
Su memang melampau org dier so don't haf to worry about me...
Babe, he's okae so don't have to worry about him yar(:
n psstpsst, this is why i don't let *him<3> join silat...heh
I wud'nt turn down a fighter for a boyfie but my boyfie to turn a fighter is a bit too much to handle...
haha!

I've always been protective of the people around me...
and I can get rather physical too but I've toned down since I'm a girl u noe.
pfft!
girl or what??!
so back to the story, I'll always and have always stepped in to put myself in front of the people..
u noe, like get them out of harm's way but oh wells...I'm not so much of a hero if I'm afraid of gore and all that right???
mebbe coz I'm the eldest in the family...
sooooooo..it doesn't matter much does it?
having a bodyguard wudn't make things anymore different would it?
My ego, the size of an average male, wudn't want to let go of the independence...
Though i wud looooooooove for sumone to step in front of a full speed train for me, I wud end up pushing the person away instead(:
haha

so i miss u lots lots
hope that u can put ur arms around my waist and won't ever let me go.
but we noe its not going to happen.
As long as you're happy, I'm happy.
I'll always be here waiting.
waiting for u to come back(:
ily dearest<3

Loves
Su.Hai.Lah

It's either this or that(:

2009-06-06T08:23:00.000-07:00

Let me start off with something i really believe in when it comes to relationships...

"Any two people in love should always be together."
- Su.Hai.Lah

but heh...
who am I to say about all that right?
people are together for many reasons...
well..come on...
im a typical, simple girl...
i used to think that love makes the world go round..
but now,
i dont think so...
love just glues the world together...
The only thing that makes us feel wanted and...
hmm...
united i guess..

But wassup with all these talk right?
haha!
so lets get back to reality...
Su, come back down to Earthhhhh!~

so let's see...
went to NTU on Friday for Tertiary Silat Competition...
i miss silat..
or rather being in action...
representing the school la katernyer..
dpt jacket oiii....
hahaksz...
okae okae...
Im not entering TSC just coz of the jacket but its the experience...
2 years in the comp, though in the same category, it's such an unforgettable experience(:

and talking bout category...
i failed to get a class in Silat...pfft!
freaking underweight to be in the category...
but come to think of it again right,
im not fit for the category...
saw one match, and if i was in it,
i'll be 'Gone with the Wind!~'
so ill just say thank you muchmuch and ill see u later alligator(:

ouh God...
can i pleasepleaseplease with a cherry on top and loads2 of love
get the result ive been waiting for now so i cn get rid of the anxietyyyyy?

i wanna bake next week...
fudge brownies(:

n i want a new phoneeeee
not that i dun nid my lovely phone anymore..
but you shud see the new Nokia5730!!!!

bought a pair of shoes, a Dickies backpack and loads of food...
shall try it out tmr and woohoooooo!
check out the scenery at NTU tmrrrr!
*winks(;*

Loves, Su.Hai.Lah

just a sneak peak

2009-06-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

so let's see...
will be off to NTU later for annual Tertiary Silat Competition Opening
but one BIG problem...
NO IDEA what to wear!!!
okae so colour code red...
shall ransack my closet later...
pfft!~

n ouh...another thing...
NTU is effin FAAAAAARRRR!!~
its like at the other end of the world seyyyy
Was so thankful that last year's IVP was at RP..close to home...
at NYP 3 yrs ago..also close to home...
was at NUS 2 yrs ago..at least there was a bus...
pfft...
so now i need a chauffeur...
any volunteers??
hehe...
shall be back later tonight.
so will be looking out for hot stuff(:

tata...

Su.Hai.Lah

new ending marks a new beginning

2009-06-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

you believe in that?
at least i do...

Life works in a way NOONE can ever understand...
its so unpredictable..
filled with ups and down..
pfft!~
It's SOOOO CLICHE Su....
great way to start a new blog...

so yar...
talking bout a new blog,
my old blog, the ever so setia (loyal) blog is non functional a looooong time ago....
was only clever enough to think that there was actually a problem while chatting with Faz online just now...
pfft!~
airhead or what?

i'm getting more lightheaded by the day...
no more brain mass or brain cells to hold my head down...
I have finally graduated from SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC!~
woohooo!!!

So i owe loads of people a graduation farewell and a blogpost dedicated to thanking people..
but i shall NOT do that now coz i shall concentrate on the joy and excitement i have for my new blog(:

This time the URL is wayyyyy longer but at least the spelling of ILLUSION is RIGHT this time..
heh... (;
i shall make this blog a more hip and happening blog...
better than my last one..
but don't be afraid...
i won't shut down my last one (crazyillussion.blogspot.com)...
loads of memories have been there..
so it shall be my journey...
Don't think i have avid followers of my blog cause of the LOOOOOOOONG unintentional hiatus i alway have buttttttt....
no sweat...
no readers? its okae...
its just a channel and a source of entertainment for myself...
no biggie(:

so i shall be back...
dun miss me(:
muacksz

Su.Hai.Lah

so Su.Hai.Lah

2009-06-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

here to breathe some air people!~