"This time was different,felt like I was just a victim.And it cut me like a knife,when you walked out of my life.Now I'm in this conditionand I got all the symptoms,of a girl with a broken heart.But no matter what,you'll never see me cry."- Rihanna
When it felt like I had everything in this world to help me succeed,
everything crumbled in a blink.
I was proud to have you by my side at the start of a new phase in life.
But I didn't know it wouldn't last that long.
Yes I gave you a choice
and when you made that decision,
my heart broke into pieces.
I didn't expect it to come so quick.
Especially when I needed you the most.
Now I still feel the same way.
Even worse I think.
Never have I felt this lost.
To be left in a new environment,
and yet your rope have been cut loose.
I didn't know who to turn to,
who to depend on.
Forgiving comes naturally for me.
But not forgetting.
To forget is not the same as letting go of your past.
To forget means you have not learnt from your mistakes.
It isn't easy to just forget.
What more something that is such a big thing.
I need time.
And apparently, you don't want to wait.
Hopes of us getting back together is everything I can pray for.
To live our dreams together.
To go through the highs and lows of life together.
To know I've got someone by my side.
Someone who will remind me that there's more to life when I'm down.
But it's all just a dream now.
I know I should just move on and let it all go.
But how do you do that when your heart is still with him?
How do you ask for your heart when you want him to hold on to it?
I don't know if I can live through all those nights.
Lonely.
Hoping and waiting for his name to appear on the screen.
But it won't happen again I guess.
Strong...
I don't know if that word can be used to describe me anymore.
Cause I'm not me when you left and took my heart along.
Most of the time I'm angry with myself,
with how we handle this.
But I guess, there isn't any point in being angry.
It's not gonna change anyting.
Not gonna get you back.
Thank you for everything.
For all the things you've taught me.
For all the times we spent together.
For all the tears and joy we shared.
I miss you Fahmi.
Sorry for the emo post.Have been holding in for way too long.IPPT is tmr.I'm scared.But OUH WELLS!~larilarilariiiiii!and really..Ignorance is bliss!Studying Media and Law makes me feel clever.BUT!it also makes me feel like a know-it-all...ni tk leh..tu tk leh...nk buat mcm nerrrr!~pfft!~n GOSH!skrg da 9 days puase...cepatnyer...I've got no chance to iftar with anyone this year.Thanks to my schedule..but then,at HTA pn hari2 iftar together2...seated by 1840...so by that time everyone is high with exhaustion...talking nonsense and staring at the clock..bt woohoo..we're having fun aren't we???so I'll be back next wk...RunRunRun for IPPT(:Loves,Su.Hai.Lah
Ramadhan is here(:wootwoot!I'm excited that it has finally arrived.But...I'm kinda sad too coz I'll be in camp most of the time and I can't join this yr's Ramadhan Youth Challenge activities.Most of my weekends will be spent at home with family...Nk iftar dgn members pn will be kinda hard.But it should be okae la kn...Doing good deeds shall not be confined to the Holy month of Ramadhanbut throught the year...mebbe more good deeds will and shall be done now.Actually,I'm not that prepared for Ramadhan this year.I don't noe why.Mebbe coz I've been preoccupied the month before..haiyo SU...wat tlah happen???Let's see...What happened this week?I ran, I swam, I marched, I sweat like hell.And then I ran again.So blardy hapie I ran non-stop.Achievement okae(:Still at a very slow pace but at least I ran okae!!!haha!Hapie sak Su!padahal padahalit's really hurting me.
it hurts like hell.
to be caught in a limbo.
lost and confused.
i dun even noe what i want.
what more what im feeling.
guidance.
mebbe that's what i need.
and strenght too.
this sucks hardcore.
im still caught in a fcuking limbo.
im still lost.
my heart's not beating.
my mind's not thinking.
my limbs are not moving.
my mouth not speaking.
and neither are my ears listening.
what i am?
miserable.
confused.
what i nid?
distractions.
you.
Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah
Maybe that's what I need.
But I can't find anything for now.
Officially,
I need help.
Woke up today crying.
Broke my own blardy promise.
How am I supposed to trust myself?
Buck up Su.
i need u more than u cn ever imagine.
u taught me to be dependent on u.
and wen i learnt,
u left me.
where's the justice in that?
Hopeless and Helpless.
But I shall have fun.
Or at least try to.
Up till now,
I still can't believe it.
Can't believe that it's over.
After all this while.
After trying soooo hard to keep it together.
I lost it.
Let it slip past me.
Noone else to blame except myself.
I know I gave you a choice.
But you made the decision.
Maybe we're not meant to be.
My head is buzzing.Or is it vacumn?That's it!
I can't stand it anymore.
I'm sorry in advance.
I've got no intention to hurt.
But...
FUCK IT LA SIA!
okae...
air cleared.
Anyways...
Epmtiness filling up.
Ironic?
I know.
Damn it.
I wanna cry.
I don't know what else to do.
I'm lost.
I'm too tired.
I give up.
no more us.
The loooong awaited looooooong weekend is finally here!~
wootwoot!
shall enjoice(:
Training mautsssss!
Left Right Left Right Left Right Left
And I still look like a sec 3 kid in NPCC uniform...
Su,Su
*shakes head shakes head*
Please ehk.
Perangai jgn perangai gedik kaeeee
MAKANN JER TAUUU!
heh
Lari Su!LARIIIII!!!
let's 'self-motivate'!
'study' kae(:
And I shall run FASTERRRR!~
!wootwoot!
How can u say that when u jolly well know its the total opposite.?
makes me feel really sad
it wud never be true.
u noe it wun.
too many things on my mind.
too many worrying things...
or is it just me?
Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah
!wootwoot!Im back again!Just for a while ajer...I'll be on hiatus from tmr so let me enjoice this precious moment(:So how has life been for u guys???I miss being out there with u people...I miss popping by MLS to see all those peeps I've laughed,cried,gossiped and smiled with.I miss hanging out randomly with friends.I miss having impromptu meet-ups with dearest<3I miss messaging my friends whenever I want to.So for those I haven't met in a looooong time, I miss u all...No matter how I know you or which group of friends u belong to,I still miss u guys.Honestly,I've been seriously homesick.Maybe because I'm not with Lin.Mostly all my camps or overnight stays have been with Lin.Surely at one point of the event, she will be there to accompany me.And damn it sey.Adapting to a new environment is something I can do easily but I don't know why it's harder this time.Maybe because it is with a whole group of new friends.I mean Kem Evo was the same cz its an Orientation Campbut NOOOO!!!This is work and not leisure da deyyyy.And Kem Evo was only 4 days.But this will last for 6-7 mths and hopefully, a thruout my career.I mean impression, hardwork and effort matters in this seyyy!I'm scared.I miss my family, dearest<3,>
When will I get over this?
This isn't me.
I'm not the type to be feeling this way.
COME ON SU!!!!
wootwoot
I need motivation!!!!
and STAMINA seyyyyyyyy!!
And please people,
STOP STARING!!!
I know there aren't many girls out there but please.!
YOU MAKE US NERVOUS!
basketcase!
i dunno why i miss u loads
this time it's different
i admit i cried once bcz i miss everybody
including and especially you
i hope you're doing well
please please please
take care of yourself
and please please please
don't stress yourself out
im already feeling so bad
i cant be there for u as much now
i don't want to see us drifting further and futher apart
realising the dreams we have
that's all im asking for
i love you syg
p.s. though i stare at other people,
im still stuck on you
cause u already have my heart
Loves,
Su.Hai.Lah
